The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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