I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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