he shaved USA in his pubs
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
