If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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