There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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