He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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