Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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