so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
