my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
