i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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