If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
