Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
