Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
