oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
