if you like me you must not know who I am
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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