he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
