just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
