We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
