Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
