Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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