when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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