I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
