the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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