white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
