My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
