We got so high we made milksteak
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
