He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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