I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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