No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
so much tequila, so little girl.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize