When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize