in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
