he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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