dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
