You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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