Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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