i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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