I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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