I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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