i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He passed out mid-signature
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
