It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
