is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I understand Curling. That high.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
