I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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