Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
