is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need to sanitize my soul.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
