He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
