highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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