the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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