I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
