I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
