he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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