i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
