I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
