Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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