You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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