his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
