$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
