you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
