i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize