5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
