Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
