how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize