my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
