If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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