the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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