What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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